this place is a prison and the first day of my life

The year is coming to a close and I am feeling so unbuttoned and exposed. I set myself out to see the world and as I have resolved many of the issues I was facing, new ones have piled themselves up. I was once told that everyone carried a box with them through out their lives. In this box they were allowed to store whatever they pleased. Everyone chose to put different things into their box and everyone chose to pack it in different ways. While some keep only their deepest secrets, privately tucked away, rarely to be re-opened, others shove every issue they ever face into every nook and cranny imaginable. You may have witnessed someone from afar toppling over from such a weight while others can only make you wonder how they walk as though aloft with no sense of instability. While some manage to deal with the things as they come others find themselves seeking help to balance all that they have. I think in the time that I learned that we all had a box it was right around the time in my life when I was so sure of myself and my foundation that I balanced that box with great tact and allowed everything to pile high, convinced that I could manage that one task till my dying days. I was told that I could not ignore all of the things I tossed aside forever and that one day my box would break and I would break with it.

I have long since then been defeated and broken but I am now learning that I want to treat my box as a nest. I will treasure each and every thing that I face as though it were an egg. I will nestle it deep and give it time to, oh I dont know...... do what eggs do. I will then address each and every egg when it has had enough time and is ready. Of course, my eggs are special, because some will surely take much, much, much longer than others. I know that I can maintain the balancing act for a long time but the crash that inevitably comes has left me with bruised knees and scars. I am going to try new tactics. One day I may even ask for help :)

That idea should develope further but at the moment that is all I have to say about that. On another note, I am waiting out an uncomfortable grip that life has put me in. I am holding out to see what the new year will bring and how this one will come to a close.