Turkey Resolutions

I am realizing now that I am going to struggle my way through the end of this year. Why? Because I don't listen to my mother and all that she tells me to do. If I did I would be much safer from the cruelties of the world and most likely in some state of ignorant bliss. I have begun to draft a list of things that will help next year be better....

1. Don't drink so much. Not because I drink excessively or anything but because without fail, whenever I drink, I make an ass out of myself or say irrevokable things (as many of us do, so I imagine).

2. Don't smoke so much. Again, not because I smoke too much but because I believe that one loves from their lungs. It is a choice to breath each and every breath and release it, just like love. Smoking is like saying, fuck love.

3. Don't kiss/love/get involved/make best friends with men that you cant futurize about/with. Not that I am involved with many married men but it is just a terrible idea and causes too much emotional confussion and pain.

4. Believe in the ability to do good things in the best interest of people and their hearts and selves. So, I can affect people but do I really want to shred them up and leave them just because I can and it is less painful for me?

5. If you do something wrong, apologize, don't turn it around on someone else. I blame rhetoric and the ability to debate through words as opposed truth. I find that I can generally win, but should I?

6. Explore hard and always give into the hunger for more. I am where I am because of the unwavering thirst to know and be known. I am miserable when I give into anything other than that.

7. Really work on the drama thing. I would like to say that I am less drama but good with words. That translates into: through words I can magnify the small amount of drama in my life to make it appear more interesting. I would like to be a little bit more plain and softened next year.

8. Keep on truckin'. Rough patches will smooth over so don't dwell. dont dwell. dont hold on too tight. dont hold your breath. when you do hold your breath. dont forget to gasp for air. dont let yourself be blinded. always run faster.

I am sure there is more but resolutions are a work in progress. I am trying to figure out where I want to go with this blog thing. I am not sure if what I am going through these days is really worth writing about. Not as in worth of being read but as in worth what I have to go through to filter out how I feel, who is reading, and what I actually want to put into words.

My grandmother hates the idea of me writing because everything she reads seems like it should be private..... if she only knew. I am now beginning to feel more aware what it means to make emotions public and I think that goes against my resolution number... 7. Overall the resolutions have all been heard before. We are all going through generally the same things we just choose different ways to learn our lessons. I may want to take a humble bow and learn my lessons more privately from now on.

Don't worry. If I actually do give this all up, I will provide a nicer bow out.