This week has been of emotional highs and lows. The stress of being stationary is pushing me from all directions. It is the raw truth of the matter; if you stay in one place, make yourself known, come to know others, you are making a commitment to deal with whatever comes to the table. It is hard to know about yourself that under a certain light you are wonderful with people, love them, and love getting to know them, and as that light transforms so do you. In the slightest difference of shade you want to run and hide and not deal with people at all. The wise ones tell you that boundries are to be learned but even in the most insightful moments I think to myself "Why do I have to have boundries? People should know what they are getting into all on their own and whether or not I have boundries does not decide whether or not they hold their own".
I am tired of the place that I am in and am wondering how I got to a place where I feel stuck. Is leaving tomorrow as easy as I am allowing it to be in my mind? I have learned by now, always have an escape plan. If you dig yourself into a hole you at some point have to figure out how to dig yourself out of it. I need to learn to throw a long enough rope from the top before I get to deep to leap out. Next time I will remember this period of my life and force myself to provide a way out from the maze. Paper trails or something.
The wind is blowing today. It may just take me away with it.
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